| Bored |
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| 09:37pm 09/05/2005 |
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mood:  hopeful music: Theodor Bastard - Zima
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So here I am, still alive. I just got off work and don't really feel like going to sleep yet, which is probably kinda stupid since I have to be back at work in, oh, 8 hours... But whatever. This is thing time to get all the stupididty out of your system.
Well lesee, my life... Same as always. Work, and when not working, go out with friends. I went to KFMA day last Saturday, and I was amazed how brutal it was, what with the bands playing. Kristen remarked that even Mudvayne wasn't as bad as it was there, as this was stuff like Jimmy Eat World and Billy Idol (Fuckin' A!). But yeah. Two days later and I'm still sore. Plus it hurt to breathe afterwards. I should probably quit smoking.
As far as my love life, the angsty smo shit has passed. Now I'm just living, trying to have fun with the time I have rather than wishing and hoping. In truth, I don't really want anything at all right now. Who needs more stress?
So anyways, I'm bored of this now, so off I go... |
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| Long, depressing thoughts |
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| 02:38pm 19/03/2005 |
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mood:  depressed music: Right now, nothing...
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Here I am, still alive. Life has been pretty much the same as always. It's scary how close that one quiz asking what major Arcana I was is to what has happened to my life since then. A period of stand-still... That's as good a way to describe the last month or so as any I suppose. Every day is pretty much the same. I go to work, I sleep, I desperatley try to find some sort of happiness in another person, and fail each time.
I've actually been trying to make the time to go out and have some kind of social life, even if I really don't have the time. Like last night. Last night, once I got off work, I went and picked up Sara, and we went to a party and proceeded to get pretty drunk. Well, she was, I was getting there. There was another girl there, Becca, that I liked immediately, and kept trying to atract her attentions. And nothing worked. She seemed more interested in Sara than myself, and I suppose that that's understandable. Sara emenates sexuality from her body, where as I exude... I dunno... some essence that others probably interpret as an oily filth. I can't see there being any other explanation. I got her number, but only cuz she was drink and I asked in a thinly vieled excuse that we could watch Zim together sometime. And she, well, she was very adamant about getting Sara's number, but not mine.
I look back and I read this, and it's pretty sad and pathetic. You'd think I'd be over these highschool fears and insecurities. All this angst bullshit. But I'm not. I still don't know who I am. What I am. Am I of any value? Am I worthy of the life that I have? Or was it meant for another? I don't know. I keep asking myself these questions. All I want is to be wanted. To hear from someone that I'm a good and noble person. That I'm of some use. I suppose that everyone else is the same way, but I seem to be bad at hiding it.
I'm tired of this stand-still though. I want something to happen. I want to meet someone that I'm interested in and who's interested in me. And we get together, start a relationship, insert cheesy fairy tale ending. But thats a pipe dream. Here I am, with nothing to look forward to, no great motivation to really try anything anymore, since it seems I'm destined to fail. There's always a block. Always. Either they're taken, or not interested in me, or I'm not interested in them. Ahh... The great romantic plight... I should go and write bad goth poetry about the pains of love and life...
And I want to look forward. I want to tell myself to be patient, to let things happen as they will. But when I do that, even less seems to happen. I'm probably just short sighted or something. Impatient... Things will improve. At least I hope they will. I don't know how much more I can take. this morning I woke up, my left hand all bruised and bloody. And I have no idea how it got that way. Was I punching the wall in my sleep? Why? If so, that can't be good. I need some kind of catharsis, some kind of release before I explode and do something horrible, either to myself or others. So I pray and pray and pray to the God that I'm not even sure is listening, and nothing happens.
God, I need help... |
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| I live!! |
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| 09:44pm 08/03/2005 |
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mood:  tired music: Lords of Acid
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Sort of... I've been working so much. And when I don't work, I've been out till usually at least 12, sometimes later, every single night. And I usually have to get up by 5 the next morning. I didn't even get any sleep last night, but that was because I thought that I didn't have any work, when it turns out I did. Crap on that...
Other than working, I've been hanging out a lot with Sara. She's a lot of fun to be around, just because she's so, well, crazy. Problem is I really like her though. But she's got a boyfriend. It's so hard constantly being around something that I want, but I can never have it. Oh well, such is my lot in life I suppose. The only girls I want are taken... Whatever...
Other than working and spending time with Sara, I don't do much. Sometimes I feel bad because I've grown somewhat distant towards my old friends. Not for any intentional reason. It's just the only time I can really do anything is later at night, and they never want to stay out. Sara's the only one who will stay out late on a weekday. Sometimes Rachael and Jason, but other times not. Speaking of them, I still need to call them to do something. I tried contacting Jason on Saturday, but nothing. I'll probably call them tomorrow or something. Ahh well...
Lets see... Anythingt else? Well, I'm tring to join the Rocky Horror Picture Show cast, which might not be the smartest idea. For one thing, It'll conflict with having two jobs. The other problem is that If I join the cast, I'll be there all the time, and likely will run into Cat there some night. I'm not afraid of it, I just want to avoid it if it can be helped. Seeing, talking to, or even thinking of her brings up shit I'm trying to forget, and being fairly succesful at forgeting. Seeing her at Rocky would be well, shit, since I concider the time we went to Rocky together the incident I relate to the end of our relationship. It was that night I had a nervous breakdown, pretty much saw the whole thing coming. But you know what... Fuck her... I'm not going to let her stop me from doing what I want. That was never even an option. I'm just a little, well, aprehensive about it. But fuck it. It'll all be ok. |
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| Killing time |
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| 04:36pm 01/03/2005 |
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I got a few minutes before I gotta go to work, so I figured I'd update this real quick.
I'm working all the time. Sometimes it sucks, since I have very little free time. I suppose that was the point, but sometimes I regret it. I rarely see my friends anymore. On the plus side, I'm making bank. I get about $200 a week at cirkle K alone, plus the money from Piccuros. So I'm torn whether I want to keep 2 jobs or not.
I do have some free time though. Last saturday I went to Rocky again. I was a little worried, since there's so many memories of me and Cat there. But I had so much fun I didn't really think of Cat much at all. Most of the night I spent with Sara, which was good fun. We've been becoming better and better friends, and have been spending every night out late together. There won't be anything happening between us, since she's in a serious relationship, which kinda sucks. But I don't think I really want a girlfriend at this point in my life. Honestly, I'd rather have a fuck buddy. I suppose that makes me shallow, but whatever...
Anyways, I'll go more in depth later. I gotta go deliver pizzas now... |
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| Work, work, work... |
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| 02:56pm 15/02/2005 |
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mood:  okay music: Silence...
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Well, my life is all work now. I work usually about, ohh... 14 hours a day. One some lucky days I only get 5-8 *squee*... Anyways, I have literally NO free time, but I suppose that was the point. If I'm too busy with work, I'm too busy to think. And it seems to be working. I really don't miss Cat anymore. Every now and then I do, but whatever. Fuck her...
What free time I do have I usually spend with Rachael and Jason up at Jason's apartment. We either watch movies, hang out, party (...), or whatever comes to us. Sucks though because yesterday we were planning on doing something, just us pathetic single kids on Single's Awareness Day, aka Valentine's Day, but I couldn't. I had to be at work by 6... Damn them... Right when I need free time, I don't get it...
In other news, I quit smoking. As such, if I call all the time, always trying to do stuff or whatever, don't get too mad. Chances are I'm just trying to occupy myself. It's gonna be hard though, working with all those cigatettes... Right above me head...
Damn, I want one now... |
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| I really don't need this right now... |
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| 09:48pm 11/02/2005 |
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mood:  infuriated music: The crazy dutch kid's dance song...
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So today I'm doing my job, driving around delivering pizzas, when my car starts acting all funny. The RPMs were extremely high, and there was this constant high pitched whinning sound coming from under the hood. It sounded like a go-kart or something. Also, from time to time the gears would slip, like I'd be going down Ina and all of a sudden the car would give a big shake and not accelerate, like it was in neutral. So I'd be going 30 down Ina, trying to accelerate and nothing was happening except the whinning got louder. Then the car would give another lurch and start accelerating.
So yeah, it sounds like my transmission is completely shot. And I can't even begin to pay for it to be fixed. To make matters worse, I need that damn car for work tomorrow. So I'm fucked. Unless it can be fixed in about 10 hours, I have no car for work. And therefore, no job at Piccuros. And my day was going so well... |
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| More days have gone by... |
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| 02:14pm 07/02/2005 |
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mood:  gloomy music: Rammstein
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Well, something new and fun happened this weekend. I have rediscovered my love of alchohol. Saturday, once I got off work, I went to a party with Kristen and proceeded to get, well, not drunk, but pretty buzzed. It was incredible. Sweet, blessed freedom. All my worries, fears, depression... All of it melted away. I finally didn't care. Now, don't worry guys, I'm not gonna do this all the time. Chances are that it'll be a rare thing. The only reason I went was because I had nothing else to do. But it was a lot of fun, and I would love to do it again.
Sunday could have gone better though. After work I went to Applebees to celebrate Rachael and Jenny's birthdays. All was good up until that one song by Dido (Dildo...) came one. Don't know what it's called. That one about not going down with this ship. In love and always will be. Yeah you know it... Anyways, i heard that, and I got incredibly depressed. That song used to always have a special meaning to me and Cat, and when it came on, we'd look at eacho other and I felt the world would be okay. Hearing it brought it all back. Whatever... I gotta toughen up and stop being such a pussy... Someone slap me. |
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| Self discovery... |
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| 12:42pm 02/02/2005 |
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mood: blah music: Garbage
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Looking back, it seems like whenever a personal tragedy bafalls me, the way i deal with it is to become increasingly nihlistic. I stop believing that anything has any real intrisic value. There's a million galaxys, a billion stars in each. 6 billion people live on this infentisimle planet. Hundreds die every die, and 2 times as many are born. Do human beings really have any value in themselves. Sometimes I wonder. And thus, I stop caring about anything really. I can't say that I truely believe this, as I do put value in some things. I would die for my friends; without them I would be insane right now. But humanity as a whole? Morals, principles, self worth, love? Nothing... It's kind of depressing, but at the same time, somewhat liberating. There's nothing more free than when you care about nothing.
Yet, I don't think so. I still want to believe in love. I want to see the good in people and stop only seeing the horrible things that people do to each other. I want to say that I'm a worthwile person, and that everyone has some worth, at least to someone else. Sometimes it's hard to believe that though.
Oh well, I've been here before. Just give me time... |
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| 06:12pm 31/01/2005 |
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Yeah, I'm bored and I took this quiz that a friend posted, asking which of the major arcana are you (Arcana as in tarot cards, outcomes that can't be changed, whatever you want to believe...). I tried posting the HTML and all it does is show the picture... and fuck up the entire layout of the journal. So I think I'll hold off and just do this manually...
You scored as The Hanging Dragon.
Divinatory Meaning: Suspended activity; a period of delay.
Reverse Meaning: Seeing the world as if it were upside down.
Something very significant has happened to you recently. A defining moment that you cannot deny. As you ponder this occurrence, whether good or bad, there is something profound that you were meant to learn from it.
Ok I give up... I've been trying to edit this bastard for a while so it doesn't fuck up the lay out. No Dice... Any HTML seems to screw the entire format.
If you need the address, it's here:
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=628 |
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| Yet another day |
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| 12:57pm 31/01/2005 |
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mood: blah music: Smashing Pumpkins
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First of all, I just want to appologize to Rachael and Jason. I went to see them yesterday, and I was in a particularly vindictive mood. I kinda was being an ass all night, and I appologize for that. It's just that Cat decided to grace me with a visit yesterday at the game shop, and I probably could have done without that. I know it's not really a good excuse, but, well, it's the best I got...
I'm going to attempt to sum up what's going on with Cat and my feelings on the matter. She keeps insisting that she's not good for me and that I'm better off without her. And personally, I think that's just bullshit, an excuse to cover up the real reason why she doesn't want me anymore. First of all, I really have never been happier than when we were together the last 7 months. Sure, i had my ups and downs, but on average, I was happy with my life and the way it was. I was just acting all moody and shit because I was (and still am) kinda pissed off at the unfair treatment I got from the movie theater. She provided some real emotional support that If I didn't have, I probably would have gone psycotic and planted a bomb there or something.
She says that she's not good for me because of her tendancy to have drug problems. Now, there's gonna be drugs around me whether I'm with her or not. I'm in college (sort of) and I just tend to attract those types of people. Besides, it seems everyone does some kind of drug, from time to time, even if it's just marijuana or something. That's not important. The problem isn't going to be who I'm with, but my will power and personal strength to just be able to not do it. Her doing it or not is irrelevant.
She also says that I have self esteem problems or something. Now, that's just simply the way that I joke. I have a very self depricating sense of humor. It's not a problem. I don't really think it, I just am joking. Also, I tend to put on a insecure facade so people don't think I'm narcissistic or something. Another reason is from my tendancy to expect the worst from people, which arose as a result of my childhood. I'mnot trying to turn this into some emotional sob story or something. Just trying to explain, mostly to myself, why I do the things that I do and fell the way that I do. My distrust of people is just something I have to get over and that people will have to be patient with.
In the past few months, my personal willpower has grown by leaps and bounds. I used to just mindlessly follow, now (at least I think) I don't. But one can never really know themselves. There has been several instances in which people have triend to get me to do something, and I refused. If Cat is doing something I don't agree with, I let her know, as I did often while we were together.
I think that she simply is running scared again. I don't know if her actions are right or wrong. People do what they think is best for themselves. It just seems that she doesn't want to be in some big long serious relationship right now, or ever really. I rememeber her on the night we broke up (a week ago now that I think of it) saying "I don't want to get married, and I don't want an apartment." That's the telltale sign right there. I suppose I don't really hate her for her feelings on it, I just with she wouldn't lie to me and herself with all her other "reasons" as to why she ended the relationship.
In other news, my hands still smell like onions from cutting up a crapload of them yesterday, even after countless hand washes. Oh well, now I can freak people out with my stinky finger... |
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| What really gets to me... |
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| 03:05pm 30/01/2005 |
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mood: angry music: Radiohead
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Well, I just got off the phone with Cat. She was calling because she wants her stuff back. I don't mind that, what bothers me is that the few times we've talked since we broke up she sound so happy. It's really hurtful. I can understand being happy I suppose. Her newfound freedom or something. Just have a little fucking tact... Realize I'm not happy, and stop celebrating when you're around me. It's really fucking hurtful... |
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| So... |
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| 02:30pm 30/01/2005 |
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mood: blah music: STP is stuck in my head right now...
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I think I'm going crazy. This morning I was just sitting in my bed, trying to wake up, thinking of how my new job would be, when I thought I heard a girl scream "No!" And I don't mean a scream like talking louder. This sounded like a shriek of terror. And I thought of Cat... I wonder why... I started imagining that something was happening, and I couldn't explain why. Now, I know what a lot of people would say, but maybe It was a premonition or something. I do tend to get those. Both times that Cat has broken up with me, the week previously I spent having a nervous breakdown, like I knew it was coming. It's wierd. No one else in the house heard the scream, so maybe it was my imagination, or maybe not... Who can really say?
Speaking of the new job, it's going fine. I'm just doing training now, so it's not too exciting, but hopefully it'll pick up, especially once I start delivering, which probably won't be until Wednesday. Just phone training now. And there's no one at work I'm really interested in, at least not yet, and most of the workers are guys. But now that I think about it, I suppose it would be a fairly bad idea to date someone from work. It could create a harsh work atmosphere if it goes sour. Pluss, I'm not sure if a new relationship is really the best thing for me right now. I'm tending to look at all relationships in a pesimistic light, like when Erin, a coworker, was talking about a guy she was pursuing. I was tempted to tell her to just not even bother. I gotta lighten up... |
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| Jesus, man.... |
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| 06:31pm 29/01/2005 |
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Wow, I've just been looking back at all the previous posts, and all I can say is how pathetic... I really need to wake up and just say fuck it all... Shit happens. That's life. Get over it. I mean, I'm not so bad now that I'm trying to kill myself like I was the first time. Still though, pissing and moaning doesn't really acomplish much.
Still, I do like to use this as a place to vent. All those nameless people out there, I'm not like this. Sometimes it's nice to have an enema for our sorrow. If for nothing so that you don't snap or whine like this in real life to actual people who you care about and don't want to annoy... :p |
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| Another Day Gone By |
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| 06:17pm 29/01/2005 |
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mood: blank music: Angry music
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The days seem so long now... Heh, I wonder why that is. I'm actually doing more than I have in the past. Just seems like they crawl on by. Whatever...
Today I also Had an interview for Circle K. If I pass the background check (Which shouldn't be a problem) and the Reference check (which could be a little problematic), I'll get a job there, doing 3 day shifts and 2 night. That could be fun. Supposedly the store is always busy.
It's wierd now though. Now that I'm single, I think about situations in a different light. The job isn't how much fun it could be, but who could I possibly meet. What the fuck... It so pathetic. Am I that much in need of companionship? Sometimes I wonder how this dependance upon other people got started. Others seem fine... Whatever... Everyone has their problems. I'll deal, and live. Usually the universe tends to work itself out, if you try... |
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| My new life continues... |
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| 02:10pm 28/01/2005 |
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mood: cynical music: Nothin'
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Well, it officially looks like I have a job. I'm gonna be a driver for Picurro's Pizza. Yay... I also have interviews scheduled later today and tomorrow with Cricle K and some craft store. I'm beginning to think that mayve Cat was bad luck or something. As soon as she's gone, boom... Job offers through the roof. Who knows. Anyways, I got nothing else... |
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| Anxiety... |
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| 06:38pm 27/01/2005 |
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mood: melancholy music: NIN - The Day the World Went Away
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I'm still doing ok. It's not really been that long, but the first days are the worst. At least that's the way it was last time. I'm just glad it's nowhere near as bad as it was then. I suppose I've grown accustomed to it slightly...
Now I'm back in the old routine though, with nothing really standing out and making me appreciate my life. I'm so grateful towards all my friends. I've been spending a lot of time with them, especially Rachael and Jason, whom I havn't seen for a long time. But as soon as I leave wherever we are, and I'm alone again with nothing to distract me, I feel that hole gnawing it's way into my stomach again. The butterflys have grown ravenous...
And now again, I'm worrying about my future, where I'm going. I worry that the best years of my life have gone by and there's nothing left to really look forward to. I'm close to getting a job, looks like I most likely will be delivering pizzas for Piccuro's. But then what? Then the mundane routine. Work. Go home. Occasionally go out with friends, which really usually isn't that social, since we go to the same crawls or someone's house/apartment. And I enjoy it. I really do. But what about repairing my shatered love life? As it is now, I'll meet no one. And in a half a year I'll go back to school, but I often have a hard time meeting others there as well. Sometimes it just seems so pointless. I can just see myself growing older and sadder as my life decends into mediocrity. And that's not what I want. I want to be alive, rather than dead with a pulse. I want to take advantage of the short time I have left, to be happy. Is that even possible?
The one think that I've learned in the short years I've been in existance is that nothing is certain. You may think you'll always be with someone. You probably won't. You may think you'll always be alone. Not unless you try to be. It's just sad though...
Anyways, I'm done vomiting my unease onto the internet to be mocked and ridiculed by various computer geeks. Things will get better. |
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| A new beginning |
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| 06:48pm 26/01/2005 |
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mood: listless music: Bright Eyes - Lover I Don't Have to Love
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Well, I'm back... It's been awhile, but like I said last time, this place just seems to serve as a dumping grounds for all my problems so I don't end up annoying my friends with my woebegone attitude. Whatever...
The big news is that Cat un mich ist kaput. Meaning done, broken up, finished. And to be honest, I'm not surprised really. Sad yes, but I signed on for this when I decided to go out woth her again, so it's not really wise of me to start bitching and moaning, not when most of my friends advised that I not do it when we started again.
As for why, she gave me all these excuses about her being not good for me, how I'm too unstable, blah blah blah... I think it was just a cover. It eventually slipped that she just didn't want a big long serious relationship at this time in her life. I don't think she ever will. And whatever. I really don't begrudge her for the decision she made. People are gonna do what they think is best for themselves. That's just the way it is. And, sadly, it seems that's the inevitability of a relationship, is that one person gets hurt. I've hurt my share. Now I'm hurt...
It fine. This is just one of those things humans go through, unless they shut themselves away and don't experience life. I'll be sad, I'll live, and I'll get over it. I'll always think about her, and I'll always love her. I just hope I can move on. |
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| Anyways... |
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| 09:38pm 15/07/2004 |
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mood: lonely music: Tool
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So yeah... It's been quite awhile since I updated this monstrosity. I don't even really know why I bother. Probably just for a whinning dumping grounds so I don't annoy my friends.
So my life. It's got its goods and its bads. I suppose that the most poignant aspect of my life right now is that I'm back together with Cat. It's a long story, but basically, she appologized for her past mistakes. We talked a lot about things that happened and why they did. She wanted a second chance, and I tried to put myself in her shoes. I could see myself doing the same things for the same reasons before I grew and matured. She has grown also, and if I was in her position, I'd want a second chance too. So I gave it to her. Things are even better now than the first time, and hopefully it'll all turn out well. If it doesn't, well, I'll deal with it. It definetely won't be as bad though now that I've gone through it (that one being the first time). I've got that behind me, so the rest from now on will be a bit easier (I hope...).
This isn't without its problems though. My friends have all appeared to abandoned me. Maybe it's my mistake. I know they don't like her, but if they aren't including me now just because of that, well, that's not right. I know that they're worried about what she'll do to me and how I'll take it. If they're reading this, I just want them to know that I've thought about this a lot. Maybe I'm too trusting and forgiving, but I decided to roll the dice. I've come to an epifany the last time she hurt me. What happens happens. You can't live your life afraid of what MIGHT happen. So if it works out, great. If not, that sucks, I'll deal with it.
And Kristen seems to be offended by my choice. She says I broke a promice to my friends and that I'M the one turning my back on THEM. First of all, I did promice her that I would never get back with Cat. Now, I made that promice about a week after she broke up with me. Looking back, that probably wasn't the wisest of choices. I made a promice in anger, in hurt. And that clouded everything. Second, she says that my friends helped me through the last time, and now just getting back with her is throwing their help back in their face. Now, I can see where that comes from. The thing is though, this is my choice. I really appreciate their help throughout those past two months. Really. Words can't express my gratitude. But now I'm stronger, and I'm ready to try again. And if I'm hurt again, you guys can be there, or you can't. It's up to you. But I'd help you guys no matter what. I love all you guys to death, and I'll NEVER abandon you.
So yeah, I havn't seen a one of my friends for three weeks. I really miss them and I wish that they would call me sometime to do something. It's up to them. I try calling them and they're always gone. So I really hope they call sometime. |
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| A brief respite |
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| 12:02pm 06/06/2004 |
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mood: amused music: I'm not really sure anymore...
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Life has kinda sucked recently, but this gave me a big long lauph. By the way, this is leeched from www.sixsixfive.com:
A Deep, Personal Speech
While I try fairly often to keep the tone of 665 light and entertaining, sometimes, such as now, I will be moved in some way and feel like I almost have a duty to share some revealing facet of my personal life with you, the reader. And I know that this isn't necessarily easy for either of us, but sometimes these things need to be talked about, they need to be shared. I won't lie; this is mostly for my own benefit. It's something I've needed to talk about for some time now, and what better audience than you, the people who read my thoughts, hopes and dreams? So I'd like to talk about this, and if it makes you uncomfortable, you can leave. I won't hold it against you, I promise.
I think the cause for my pensiveness has been the fact that for some reason a Fundamentalist group, whoever they may be, have felt the need to run a string of ads, sometimes full-page, in my local newspaper. In them, a series of happy, wholesome-looking people write about how they used to be living a wicked, evil, homosexual lifestyle; and how, with the help of their church and loved ones, they were "cured." They no longer felt the need for sodomy, they now loved the opposite gender, and they lived peaceful, content lives. In short, their whole lives changed because they found Jesus. And this, I must confess, struck a deep chord with me.
You see...I have had a similar experience.
You can probably imagine why it is I've never told anyone about this. The circles in which I move, socially, are fairly liberal and not intensely religious, and would probably laugh at me if they were told of the experience that changed my life, and the landscape of my perceptions, forever.
Long ago, I was living a life of sin, of vice, of, well, wickedry. I did not know how sinful I was being, because one never does. Though I thought I would never have to pay for my crimes, this was just not the case, and I only now realize how lucky I am to have a chance at escaping eternal damnation. Yes, I was a wicked man, a man who ran with demons and immorality.
And then I found Jesus.
Specifically, I found Jesus at a rest stop on I-95 running through a town just west of Boston. I probably should have recognized him by the stigmata and halo, but you know how these things are. I suppose I just figured he was a goth who was being extremely ironic or something, I don't know. Nevertheless, there he was, washing his face in the mirror and looking expectant about something. I didn't, at the time, understand the casual gleam in his eye - but I would. Oh how I would.
He turned to me, his face peaceful and serene, and said, "Yea, my child. I would that you cometh unto me, and hear my words, for I bring a message of love, and of salvation." Then it hit me who, exactly, I was talking to, and I was speechless. He outstretched his arms. My legs shaking, I walked into his holy embrace.
It was then that the Son of Man planted a strong, rugged kiss on me, nailing me to the spot with his probing tongue and manly, forceful lips. I was terrified, but also a little excited. Although I could certainly go into the events of the rest of the night, I should probably spare you the details. Let's just say that the Messiah is a fucking stallion, and that there really is nothing that can compare to hot gay sex with a mythological icon.
This event changed me to no small extent - for the better, I think. The cops showed up and we had to part ways, but not before I was converted, firsthand, by the Savior himself. Since then, I have renounced the filthy heterosexual lifestyle and hope to encourage others to do the same. It will only lead you to the flames of Hell itself, and additionally tends to make you a better dancer. I realize that this country still has many pits of immorality, and that there are those who would call me a "heterophobe," but I know that my cause is just and good, and that I will be granted admission to the Kingdom of Heaven when I die, which, if it's really Heaven, will probably look a lot like a biker bar.
Thank you for listening. |
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